We're basically saying 'fuck it'

It's not like anybody reads it anyway.

We just need hope that somebody cares I guess.

Oh well.

Friends

In life, you will learn who is really your friend.

Who is really there for you.

And for those who have flaws in their friendship with you; it shows true friendship if you decide to look past them and love them for who they are. 

Having a best friend is a life line for you. 

Chapter I, part IV / NaNoWriMo

And then, a man with floppy brown hair and a bow tie erupted from the bushes. He was wearing a brown pinstripe jacket, and what seemed like suspenders. He also wore brown dress pants and dress shoes. I would have mistaken him for an old man, except he was young. In his mid-twenties, perhaps? But…when I looked in his eyes, I saw something different. I couldn’t quite place my finger on it, but I could tell there was something alien about him.

            While I was staring at him, probably looking like an idiot, he was brushing off small twigs and leaves off his jacket. Then, he seemed to notice me and looked me over. He then spoke.

            “Hi there,” he said with a wide, toothy grin. His voice was filled with cheerfulness and excitement. “I’m the Doctor.”

And that's the fourth part of the first chapter of a story I've been working on. Yeah, I know, I've been posting up random parts of it without explaining why. Well, there's a couple reasons. 

Chapter I, part III

Lunch was alright. The food was better than prison food (not that I tried prison food), but only marginally. I sat with a group of people, half of which were my friends and the other half consisted of people I knew, but I never talked to. They didn’t talk to me either, so we both won. And then, after three more classes, my day was done. I was free of this place.

I walked out of the doors of the school, thinking about what I was going to do when I got home (either plop down on my couch and watch tv or surf the web on the computer), when I saw something that made me stop in my tracks. The angels from this morning were gone. I seriously doubted that somebody went and took them. Maybe they were a prank and the staff had taken then down. But if that happened, then the school would be buzzing about it. Now that I thought about it, nobody said a word about the angels, which to me was odd. Two new additions to the look of the school seemed like something to talk about, especially if it was a prank. With a sigh, I started towards home.

As I was walking from school to my house, I kept looking behind me. It felt like I was being followed; like somebody was watching me. I was still pretty spooked about the statues earlier. I only lived a few blocks away from the school and the neighborhood between the school and my house were middle-class, so I didn’t have to worry about getting mugged and I could get home pretty quickly. 

Suddenly, I heard a noise. Something was rustling in the bushes nearby. My heart was pounding. Questions and assumptions were rushing through my head. Was there somebody following me? Were those statues really were real and now were after me? Am I going to die? Why didn’t I listen to mother and take Mixed Martial Arts instead of basketball? I didn’t even play; I just sat on the sidelines, playing a game. 

Your Call

this hypocrisy and two-faced-ness...

is suffocating.

why are we so scared to be ourselves?

why are we so afraid to stand up for ourselves?

in reality, they’re just as afraid as you are. 

and honestly, just say “fuck it” and say what’s on your mind.

you’ll impress more people. 

i know i've talked about things like this before,

but it has gotten worse.

my patience has worn down since then,

and i don't know how much more i can stand as i watch people lie through their teeth.

it's disgusting, it really is.

i'd say everybody should grow up, but it gets worse when you're an adult.

i remember when we were kids, and we would always say the truth.

only, that died because it's bad to speak your mind if what you have to say is harsh,

according to society,

your parents,

your teachers,

et cetera. 

i'm not saying that i speak the truth to everybody i meet,

i tend to rather stay silent then lie. 

or just leave.

much less disgusting then staying there and acting like their your best friend.

plus, i think i'd rather know if someone disliked me,

rather than them pretending to like me.

Chapter I, part II

As I was walking past houses, there was something that caught my eye. It was a statue of what appeared to be an angel. It had its eyes covered, as if crying. I had never seen it before, or at least, never noticed on the way to school. For a second, it felt like it was watching me, which was impossible for two reasons because one, it was a statue, and two, it had its eyes covered.  With a shrug, I continued on my way to school, already forgetting about it.

As I entered school grounds, I froze. Near the entrance of the school doors were two angel statues, each on one side of the large glass doors, as if a decoration. That was weird and it freaked me out. I hurried inside, trying not to look at them, which was surprisingly easy for something that creepy.

The day went by quite… average, which was no surprise. My teachers tried teaching, some of the succeeding in actually teaching me something, while others failed miserably. The students were annoying and obnoxious as usual. Well, don’t get me wrong, I’m not cynical. I do have friends, but I never see them due to different class and my best friend, Asher, was currently in the UK. He was acting as a foreign exchange student for the year, leaving me behind. I don’t mind much, I mean, I miss him and all, but he’ll be back eventually. Anyways, I digress. Sadly, I have no girlfriend. No girl seems to fancy me and vice versa. 

My Blue Heaven

i don't want to exist anymore.
well, to be clear, i wish i never existed.
no, the reason behind it isn't the whole "without me, everybody would be better off."
i'm not that conceited to think i have that much of an impact on everybody i know's life.
i mean, i don't want to exist because i don't want to make mistakes.
i know, making mistakes is a flaw that makes humans perfect, in a way.
i really hate making mistakes.
yeah, sure, making mistakes mean you learn not to do it again,
but have you ever thought what makes you not want to do it again?
bad consequences happen.
while at times, it means a stomach ache from too much sugar, or staying up too late means a horrible day at school/work,
but what about the times where you deeply regret your mistake and you desperately wish you could take it back?
it's not fair, it really isn't, that we can make such careless, small, actions that lead up to something gigantic.
things.
it's not fair that we hardly ever get second tries when it comes to the things that really matter,
when it comes to those people who really matter.
and when we do get a second chance, it's never the same.
there'll be that friction, that tension.
so fragile, so depressing,
it makes me not want to make the same mistake again,
so much that i think i prefer not living over it.
the regret is too much.
and sometimes, learning from your mistake isn't enough to stop it from happening again.
and then, your world shatters again.